I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
