Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
