Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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