You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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