I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
