Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
