Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
