Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
