my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm like, not good at living.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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