you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
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