I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
