we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
