Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
