Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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