maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
How does one acquire holy water?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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