btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
