woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
