i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
