You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
