you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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