Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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