I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
