we should wear snuggies to the strip club
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
