I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
