Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
