I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
