So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
