I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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