When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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