Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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