not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
