I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
