Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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