p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
