We won't sleep together?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
