I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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