I faked an abortion last night.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
