my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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