Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
