after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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