I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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