bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
