Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
It's rum buckets o'clock
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I think i got beer on your cat.
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