The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
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we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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