Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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