Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
