Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
You did what with his pubic hair?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
