It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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