dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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