Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
