If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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