who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
