Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
