I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Who wears a wallet chain?!
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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