3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Randomize
