Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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