I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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