I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
