sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
