she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I think my moral compass just broke
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
