I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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