ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
