I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I just gargled with NyQuil
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
