Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
there is glitter all over my balls
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
