once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
