Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Randomize
