Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
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You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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