They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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