i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Randomize
