after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
