Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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