I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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