no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
