I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
