Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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