Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
